Say hello to the most boring car IN THE WORLD

"itschrome" (itschrome) 04/05/2016 at 10:01 • Filed to: None

3

77

Well here she is, my new to me buffalo.

As you can see she is a 2009 Chevy Impala LT in Mocha Bronze. She is the last of the W bodies, a breed that once dominate the american road way. With her OHV 3.5lt v6 based on the archaic 3.1v6 of days past she sports 211 hp and 214 ft-lb. Which is adequate to propel her forward, or backward with out even a whiff of excitement. Her suspension is basic and offers a ride that’s not harsh but also not cushy. Along with a middle of the road ride, her lack of fancy suspension also means she turns about as well as the queen Mary, which makes her feel twice as large as she is.

Here you can see her lackluster interior. A combination of brown and beige. As exciting as you’d expect for a rental fleet spec vehicle. Luckily this one is a LT1 (barely) which really is to say the previous owner opted for buckets vs a bench, and also ticked the box for the 2nd tier stereo. Which means she has an aux input and two more speakers, for a total of 6. Which would be cool if those extra two didn’t come in way of two useless tweeters. One feature she lacks that I’m not use to not having is the courtesy “engine running light” like you find on most Cadillacs. I know it’s not a huge deal as I usually know when my engine is running, but not having that little orange engine running light on the dash just feel weird.

Basically this bitch is basic, big and brown. That being said i paid 7300 for her. She has had one previous elderly owner who only put 65k on her. She has a three year bumper to bumper and drives and feels like a new car. Also I got 31.6 mpg on an extended road trip after I picked her up and mixed driving is seeing 25 mpg.. not terrible but not good either.

Well ok..

She’s not totally boring. She did get drunk that one time on spring brake and woke up with a tramp stamp..

citizennick > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:04

0

I wonder if the same rules apply for cars as it does for dating women. Because that tramp stamp raises all sorts of red flags for me.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:05

0

I really want to know the story on that tramp stamp...

Purely for transportation, that's a pretty sweet deal at 7300, too.

Ash78, voting early and often > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 04/05/2016 at 10:06

0

Dealer-installed custom pinstriping, $750. The old lady probably paid it without complaining, too.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:06

0

Looks good aside from the pinstripe.

Ash78, voting early and often > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:07

1

I can't even begin to explain the hatred I have for this specific car. It's unnatural, but was mostly brought on by a 2,500-mile roadtrip in a questionably maintained Enterprise fleet model in 2006. I will never forget the misery. And no, there was no outside circumstance (like family drama) that tainted it. It was a wonderful trip except for that miserable car.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:07

0

At least the interior color combo is okay.

Also, we had a Ford 3.5 of the same year, and that had around 260hp and 250lbs/ft of toque.

itschrome > citizennick 04/05/2016 at 10:07

1

eh, if it was anything other than a large boring Old person owned car I would agree. How ever given the type of car and age of previous owner it makes sense. they love them some pin stripping, my grandfather has had it done to every one of his camrys since the 80's.... I’ll never understand it.

itschrome > Ash78, voting early and often 04/05/2016 at 10:08

0

she probably asked for it. My grandfather keeps getting it done to his cars. I don’t get it but they like it for some reason.

citizennick > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:10

1

I remember when my parents got a 1995 Mazda 626 they got the baller “gold trim” package.

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > citizennick 04/05/2016 at 10:10

2

True Story:

In 2008 I briefly dated a woman who had a 311 tramp stamp.

As in the band. She also wore too much makeup and wouldn’t kiss me unless she wanted sex. It was... not a long-term relationship.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:10

0

Pretty sure the 3.5 isn’t related to the 3.1 V6. 3.5 and 3.9 were a seperate (and short lived) family iirc.

Too bad you didn’t get the 3.9 instead though... that thing would fly

itschrome > sm70- why not Duesenberg? 04/05/2016 at 10:11

2

Yeah this car really is out classed in almost every way but it’s contemporaries. the engine is really just a bored out 3.1 V6 from the 80's and it runs the same tired 4t60e 4 spd as most gm’s from about the same time. But the basic aspect of this car was half it’s draw for me. I wanted creamy puffy basic goodness with a warranty. That’s exactly what I got!

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:11

1

Good transportation, but be aware these things will understeer at 3mph with two degrees of steering input. The handling is borderline dangerously bad.

itschrome > Ash78, voting early and often 04/05/2016 at 10:12

0

haha, I totally understand. It’s not a great car, it’s not a bad car. It’s just... A car.

itschrome > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 04/05/2016 at 10:12

0

thanks, there’s one small ding that could easily be popped out on the drivers side passenger door. other wise she really looks/feels like a new car.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:13

0

True. And from what I’ve heard, these are cheap to run, comfortable, spacious, and reliable. From that standpoint, not a bad deal.

citizennick > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 04/05/2016 at 10:13

0

What was the color of her energy? Amber?

lol. But that sounds horrible.

itschrome > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 04/05/2016 at 10:13

1

wait... there is handling? I’ll have to look for it next time I’m driving.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:14

0

It reallly looks super clean.

itschrome > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 04/05/2016 at 10:16

0

hahaha. that’s weird, I banged a chick with a 311 tramp stamp once.

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:16

1

I'd kill for those MPG numbers...

jariten1781 > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 04/05/2016 at 10:17

0

I'll assume you missed the era where dealer pinstriping was nigh-on impossible to avoid. Even shit like Accords up until the early 90s would have crappy pinstripe packages forced on you if you were buying from dealer stock. That still survives in cars sold to old-folks who don't realize the world has moved on.

itschrome > V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches 04/05/2016 at 10:17

1

well given the caddy did 27 hwy and 18 city for mixed about 20mpg.. I’m kind of Eh about them. for as slow as she is I’d hoped for a hair more.

itschrome > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 04/05/2016 at 10:17

0

She really is.

itschrome > sm70- why not Duesenberg? 04/05/2016 at 10:19

1

yeah that’s what I am hoping. I just wanted some basic, comfy, cheap reliable transportation for the next year or two.. Don’t plan to own past 100k.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:19

4

You say boring? I say highway speeding stealth mode activated...

itschrome > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner 04/05/2016 at 10:21

0

speeding? hahaha oh no dear, this thing doesn’t speed any where. anything over 70 is just wasting gas as my MPG drop heavily past that. But yeah, this thing is basically a giant deer blind for law enforcement.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:22

0

The Impala has always been a sensible, comfortable, reasonably dependable car. Practical transportation and room for a few friends. Or family. I will always be a fan.

itschrome > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 04/05/2016 at 10:24

0

Agree 100%. it’s just the first “Boring” car I’ve bought intentionally in a while. minus the Taurus between my 6 Sevilles. Even then she was top of the line. first car with out leather since I was 18. I need to buy seat covers, I buy leather not because my pants are fancy, but rather because it’s easy to keep clean. I worry about beige cloth seats.

BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:27

1

The W body Impala is my secret car crush. It does nothing particularly well, but does a lot of things (especially in bench seat form) very decently. I’d rock one as a DD.

It's basically the same attitude I had with dating, so YMMV.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:28

0

I learnt to drive in a 1977 Caprice Classic (Motortrend Car Of The Year, BTW). One of these years, maybe I’ll own one of the current generation of Caprices released from cop duty, but those will probably keep too much value to be accessible to me.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:30

0

Oh, and you need a spoiler.

http://oppositelock.kinja.com/im-having-a-we…

RoadsterRevolution(wants a Range Rover Classic) > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:33

1

My Mom owned 4 or 5 of these, They do what they were intended to do, get you from a to b.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:34

1

It “handles” sort of like how if a penguin jumps off a cliff it “flies”

jvirgs drives a Subaru > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:36

0

My brother has a 2010 LT and its boring but a solid car. He would get mad at me for my braking because being used to cars with sporty suspension and stiffer brake pedals, I would hit the brakes in the impala and it would feel like panic braking with all the nose diving

itschrome > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 04/05/2016 at 10:45

0

I couldn’t agree more. I’m actually very confused why I don;t have one. I thought they were standard on 2009 and up LT’s. I’m further confused by the fact that mine has the rocker panels.... but no spoiler.

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:45

0

Was her name Jen?

CalzoneGolem > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:47

3

With your practical pants on this car is Jalop as fuck. With minimal care you’ll be able to put a couple hundred thousand miles on it with ease.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:48

0

I think they were only standard on the LTZ, but I could be wrong. All I know is a friend of mine had one on his LTZ, and that most of the ones that I think look good end up being LTZ’s.

But I’m sure you could find one

itschrome > BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind 04/05/2016 at 10:48

0

Yeah, it’s everything you need, a few things you want but at the end of the day it’s about need’s not wants. unless you go up to a LTZ or SS then they get pretty decent in the wants department.

itschrome > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 04/05/2016 at 10:49

1

Yeah the LTZ changes up everything. Bigger wheels, nicer interior, choice engine. They also run more expensive with higher miles.

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:50

2

I keep looking at these. They would be an awesome everyday comfortable commuter car. Especially in 2012+ form since those get the 3.6L with 302hp & 262 lb-ft. They can be had with super low miles for $13K all day long. That to me seems like extremely good value.

I’m past the age where you want some bouncy pocket rocket so I like my daily drivers to be comfortable and this checks all the boxes.

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 10:53

0

I hear that. How much does she weigh ?

itschrome > Luc - The Acadian Oppo 04/05/2016 at 10:55

1

I drove a 2012 LT with the 3.6. It was night and day. it felt way more like my Seville than the sub 2012 Impala. I think they might have given it independent suspension and better than just base shocks/struts and springs.. I wanted one but they were about 4k out of my range. I’d buy one that’s for damn sure. As boring and loathsome as my car seems I do actually like my Buffalo. it’s a great commuter car, she could use at least 30 more hp to make me truly happy as with it’s lack of gusto and it’s size you need to plan double time in advance any lane changes, merges, ect.. She’s about the same size as the Caddy but her basic suspension and lack of power really double or triples her relative size.

itschrome > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 04/05/2016 at 10:57

0

haha, I dunno she gave me some BS “festival” name.I’ll be honest we banged at a music festival in some random persons unattended tent after tripping face and dancing for three hours.

itschrome > jvirgs drives a Subaru 04/05/2016 at 10:58

0

haha, yup that’s the same as my car. But also braking is a shame it took soo much to get to speed in the first place. You coast man, always coast.

itschrome > RoadsterRevolution(wants a Range Rover Classic) 04/05/2016 at 10:58

0

in relative comfort and at relative cost. yup, that’s all i wanted this round.

itschrome > V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches 04/05/2016 at 11:01

0

if I had to guess, 3600 to 3700. She feels like much more than that though. I mean with only 211 HP and 214 ft-lb to move it it feels like a tank relative to the 3900 pounds of the Seville. Which felt 1000 pounds lighter. the difference is gobs of torque, HP and an independent suspension.

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 11:02

0

I love these big “old man” cars. It must be because my first job out of high school was working in the wash bay for a Pontiac,Buick & Caddy dealer. so I was literally driving Lesabers & Devilles all day and I really started to like the cloud like handling and the featherlight steering.

At that point I had an epiphany as to why they are so popular with the old folks, they are just a real nice comfortable place to be.

itschrome > Luc - The Acadian Oppo 04/05/2016 at 11:06

1

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Bingo! this car isn’t quite a Lesaber or deville in terms of appointments but she is still a really nice comfortable place to be. Big old mans cars are amazing. even a basic bitch like the buffalo is worlds nicer than a similar base trim of a smaller car. Big cars are just so comfy and pleasant to be in. I may be biased as I’m six feet two inches tall and weigh in at about 300lbs. But even so I fit in our 2012 Malibu, which is a LT as well. That thing and the Impala are basically the same car ones just bigger. yet the impala is just that much nicer feeling to be in and drive. dispute actually driving more or less the same, the Malibu is a bit more agile.

it’s just something about the sure size and weight that makes it feel nicer to be in.

RonnyPStiggs > Luc - The Acadian Oppo 04/05/2016 at 11:07

1

You could also get the wheels of the SS model, I always thought they looked good

itschrome > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 04/05/2016 at 11:09

1

so basically they just crash with out hitting something, much like a penguin would fall with style?

itschrome > CalzoneGolem 04/05/2016 at 11:10

1

True, it is brown! haha I don’t plan to own it a day past it’s 36,000/3 year warranty though. it’s just a stepping stone into something else in a year or two.

shop-teacher > citizennick 04/05/2016 at 11:11

0

I always hated that damn gold trim.

shop-teacher > Luc - The Acadian Oppo 04/05/2016 at 11:14

1

These things chew up highway miles like nobody’s business. Good cheap basic transportation, and plenty of power with that 3.6.

citizennick > shop-teacher 04/05/2016 at 11:16

0

It turned back to chrome after a few waxings.

shop-teacher > Ash78, voting early and often 04/05/2016 at 11:20

1

That’s funny, because in 2010 a W-body Impala was my savior on a 2000 mile rental car trip. It got my out of the torture chamber that was a Camry with only 4k miles on it. I stopped 500 miles into the trip at the Memphis airport and begged to trade. That Impala was nothing short of heaven in comparison.

LongbowMkII > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 11:24

1

I love this review.

CalzoneGolem > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 11:25

1

7/10 would dd into oblivion.

shop-teacher > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 04/05/2016 at 11:26

0

I think you’re right. The 3.4 was the bored out 3.1. Those were pretty dreadful.

shop-teacher > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 11:27

0

Good, reliable, and cheap transportation. These things chew up highway miles like nobody’s business.

shop-teacher > citizennick 04/05/2016 at 11:28

0

Good!

For Sweden > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 11:30

1

W body life is best life

FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 11:41

0

Haha I actually really like them. We had one as a rental with the 3.6 V6 but in poverty spec. The interior was utter crap but everything else was awesome imo. I’d even buy one just for the heck of it because it would be an absolute exotic here in Germany.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > shop-teacher 04/05/2016 at 11:41

0

3.1 was dreadful but pretty bulletproof. Going back down the line, though... wasn’t the 3.1 just a bored out 2.8?

For some reason I always thought the 3.4 was a 3800 with a smaller bore, though I think I drew that conclusion from the way they were offered in the same vehicles rather than any actual information. I could be wrong, but I thought it was a derivative of the Buick V6.

Bytemite > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 12:14

0

I fell asleep staring at that first pic, trying to look for some sort of design or flare or...anything.

itschrome > Bytemite 04/05/2016 at 12:39

0

you feel asleep before the trampstamp!

itschrome > shop-teacher 04/05/2016 at 12:39

1

for real! I drive 80% highway so this is definitely one of the reasons I bought one.

itschrome > For Sweden 04/05/2016 at 12:40

0

it’s true, My first car was a W body 96 Regal. And I’ve lust after many many other W bodies since then.

shop-teacher > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 04/05/2016 at 12:47

1

You’re actually right that the 3.1 is a bored out 2.8. I forgot that info from back in my S-10 days. I don’t think the 3.4 is related to the 3.8 ... but to be honest I’m not actually basing that on any real information either :)

Several years ago the 3.1 in my mother-in-law’s ‘99 Malibu blew up at 25k miles. Fortunately Chevy covered it, even though it was out of warranty by a couple years (it was a goodwill repair, they’ve only bought one vehicle that wasn’t a Chevy since 1971, and that was a ‘79 Datsun). Apparently they liked to eat intake manifold gaskets, and if you didn’t catch that in time ... well, of course it’s bye-bye engine.

Bytemite > itschrome 04/05/2016 at 13:06

0

Now I’m awake and have the strangest boner.

jkm7680 > itschrome 04/18/2016 at 19:06

1

I’m amazed these are still being made.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > itschrome 05/03/2016 at 11:54

0

I jumped to an old post so it wouldn’t be seen by the guy in question and it was also about the same car that had an accident.

The guy DasWauto is a mod so he did in fact get a warning and more importantly is on their radar now.

That guy has a tendency to be a jerk. Try not to let him bother you and go enjoy your birthday.

When’s the lady get that nice ring you bought her anyhow? Is that this week?

itschrome > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner 05/03/2016 at 12:21

0

Thursday!! Im super excited and nervous. And yeah i went back over that guys posts and its definitely an issue with him. But he wasnt the only reason i poated that. I’ve just been seeing more and more di ks around here. Figured was a good time to mention rule one.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > itschrome 05/03/2016 at 12:32

1

yeah, i try my best to shrug him off but I completely understand you getting frustrated with him he really went off. Massive violation of rule 1 in my opinion. Yeah I remember you got hit with a jerk on the ring post too, you’ve just been having a rough go lately and that sucks.

I can’t wait to see the post that says “she said yes!” and I wish you the best man you’re a good guy try and remember there are more of us here than just the jerks (I’ve been on oppo for about 5 years I think).

itschrome > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner 05/03/2016 at 13:36

0

again, I still stand by that one on the ring post as being a joke. in general i just been seeing a lot of passive aggressive or right out aggressive posts lately.There’s just so much nastiness out there in the world/internet that i just don;t see why we need to have it here on OPPO. I come here not for drama but to share thoughts/events/cool stuff with other cool people who like the same stuff as my self and have fun doing it. not deal with negativity you know.

and stay tuned for that post! hopefully when i get back on Monday I’ll have that good news.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > itschrome 05/03/2016 at 13:40

0

Well i’m glad it was a joke on the ring post, that one made me angry.

I’m with you man, I’m always wanting people to be cool.

Good luck buddy!